Reacting to their unexpected victory in 2008 (wait, we can win even if we nominate a negro, as long as he’s good looking and appeals to young people and convinces the functionally disenfranchised brown underbelly of America to ask their bosses for a Tuesday off in November??), the Democratic Party has spent the past decade trying to solve for x: what is the demographic equation that will produce a stable top-of-the-ticket majority regardless of circumstance. This was a logical long-term strategy, pressing advantages that were reliable enough to have birthed a cottage industry of dubiously-sourced axioms
While the Republican Party was busy cooking the books on the local level, doubling down on their own demographic aces by redrawing state legislative districts to exaggerate the rural-urban divide, the American left was trying to gerrymander its platform
Double, double, toil and trouble,
Cities bloom and suburbs crumble.
Fillet of the gentrified,
In the ballot box decides.
Eye of immigrant’s reform,
Wool of darker babies born.
Women’s reproductive rights,
Kids these days love smoking joints…
Unfortunately, young people let them down because they were corny, Black folk let them down because they were pasty, and white women let them down because racism. Here’s a backup plan: stop counting on Birnam Wood and try selling yourselves as Robin Hood.
Robin Hood. You know, that guy who is really popular for shooting the sheriff but letting the deputy hold onto his dignity. This isn’t too complicated: most everyone is down with stealing from the rich and giving to the poor as long as you’re honest about it, wear green, and can do a few cool tricks with a bow, an arrow, prison reform and renewable energy infrastructure. I don’t know.
Just a thought.